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A short while ago, I published Don’t Pre-Qualify your lead. Pt 1 - a good read for everyone but a MUST READ for singles. If you have not read it, I suggest you do before you continue. I have purposefully written this particular column as a continuation piece so I promise that you will get even more from it if you just stop right now, right here, click the link and start by reading Part 1 first.

CLICK HERE TO READ PART 1 FIRST and then jump back to this.

If you have already read Part 1, carry on.

So…remember this part from Part 1?

"If you are a lady, think about the last 10 guys that showed an interest in you, but you were not interested in. Did they walk away from that situation with their dignity intact? Or did you make the situation awkward for them? Did you use them to pump yourself up with your girlfriend as you flashed her the "please save me from Godzilla” look? Did they walk away kind of embarrassed? Did they walk away saying wow "I’ll never do that again” Or did they walk away feeling like "wow the world is full of great…classy women?

If you are a guy, think about the last 5 ladies that you have shown interest in (but didn’t have an interest in you) or who have shown interest in you (but you had no interest in) and ask yourself those same questions…

You may not have realized it until now but you may be "that girl” or "that guy” that tears down people because you think they are a bother to your "royal eminence” simply because they were not your type or they didn’t "meet your standards.”

Below are 4 specific effects that being "that guy” or "that girl” can have on you and the other person.

1) Sure you many not end up dating/marrying that person, but you have contributed to who they become for someone else. You have affected their sense of self and certainly their opinion of the opposite sex that they WILL take into their relationship/marriage. You have either changed an existing opinion for the good or bad or you have introduced a new opinion for the good or bad.

On May 23, 2014, Elliot Rodger killed 7 people (and injured several others) on his self-proclaimed "day of retribution.” What was he dishing out retribution for? In one word…REJECTION.

Just before he went on this killing spree, he released a video. That video is at the bottom of this article. Keep reading.

What he did was flat out twisted and he was a sick person… but the transcripts of his last video journal before he went on his killing spree are worth mentioning as life lessons about what we are talking about.

He said things like:

"…They would have all rejected me and looked down upon me as an inferior man if I ever made a sexual advance towards them, while they throw themselves at these obnoxious brutes.” (He was speaking of girls he desired but could not "get”)

"All those popular kids who live such lives of hedonistic pleasure while I’ve had to rot in loneliness for all these years, they’ve all looked down upon me every time I’ve tried to go out and join them. All treated me like a mouse. Well now I will be a god compared to you.”

"All you popular kids. You’ve never accepted me. And now you’ll all pay for it…”

"I’ve waited a long time for this. I’ll give you exactly what you deserve. All of you. All you girls who rejected me and looked down upon me, and, you know, treated me like scum while you gave yourselves to other men.”

Sure the guys and girls you come across in your life that don’t make your "cut” for marriage/dating material may not go on an evil killing spree, but don’t get it twisted, how you handle them matters. You leave an effect. Make it a positive one.

Elliot Rodger was sick. A deeply troubled individual but to put this "rejection issue” in context, he wasn’t poor. In fact, quite the opposite. His dad was the producer of the Hunger Games movie. He came from a wealthy home and had access to the "Hollywood Glam” and, by average accounts, he was at least a good looking guy. He should not have "rejection” issues right????? Wrong.

You’ve heard it before…

Hurt people Hurt people

2) If people hear that they are not good enough often enough, they start to believe it. TWEET THIS
So they settle for anyone who would "just” accept them. Think about that for a second. If you contribute to someone feeling that they are not good enough and that they are less, at some point they start to believe it and begin to lower their standards for love…looking for who will "just” accept them…leading them into the arms of people who may abuse them, take them for granted, and treat them like love is a favor.

This applies to the body of Christ as well. Oh yeah. So your "royal holiness” was approached by that guy that sits in the fifth row that is not good enough, rich enough, spiritual enough and doesn’t fit your list? Do you use him to prop yourself up in the eyes of others in the church? Do you treat him with disrespect and a lack of courtesy simply because you are not interested at all, or do you help him understand with courtesy and discretion that you are not interested, knowing that your sister in church may find him perfect for HER list? Or does he come back to church next Sunday and wonder why all the ladies are looking at him funny (because you told Stacey and she told Kemi, who then told Bridgette, who couldn’t keep it away from the entire choir)

As men, how do you react when a woman you are interested in, is not interested in you at church? Are you mature about it, going back to God and asking for clearer directions and still treating her with courtesy and respect next Sunday (funny how that might actually turn her around) OR is your fragile ego so bruised that you feel you have to ignore her, or disrespect her just to get back at her?

This is how we tear each other down in the body of Christ as young adults and singles. Then we wonder why people are going outside the church to look for love.

3) When you keep meeting people that you pre-qualify and evaluate only based on whether you can date/marry them, you gradually become less capable of forming healthy platonic relationships.

Stop and think about that.

If everyone you meet is evaluated based on their "date-ability” or marriage potential, then you won’t have a lot of people in your life that can add value on a platonic level, and that attitude becomes your default behavior, which then makes it even more difficult to find someone who will give YOU (Yes YOU) a chance without judging YOU prematurely.

You’ll chase good people away from your life who may not be the right spouse but are great additions to your life.

That’s when you start to hear yourself say things like "there are no good men out there” or "Women don’t go for good men.”

4) You objectify yourself even before anyone else does: This is soooo important…for BOTH ladies and men. Ladies, when you start to hear yourself say things like "Men ONLY want one thing from me/women,” "Men ONLY want to sleep with me.” OR Men, when you start to hear yourself say that "Women ONLY want you for your money,” you have begun to objectify yourself. Meaning that you have made yourself nothing but "that” thing.

Even before the next man has approached you, you have objectified yourself as a sex object. Even before the next great lady comes in your life, you objectify yourself as nothing but a bank account.

So relax. Don’t Pre-Qualify your lead.

You’ll have a more fulfilling life…and feel much less pressure about being single if you allow yourself to just meet great people who you respect and who respect you back. People who you add value to whether you are going to date/marry them or not, and people who do the same for you. You’ll increase your self-worth and you’ll increase your perceived worth as well.

Leave your comments, questions and experiences below. Someone might learn from them.

Here is the video made by Elliot Rodger about his day of final retribution just before he went on his killing rampage. WARNING. It will shock you. It is sick and disturbing. He was not well. Some of you may have some great life insights or questions about this. Feel free to come back to the comments section to add yours.

Also note that YouTube has been taking down copies of this video so by the time you are clicking on the video below, it may have been taken down. If that is the case, just do an internet or YouTube search for his name.

Tobi Atte is a certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner, motivational speaker and the writer behind IJustMetMe, a lifestyle website for young adults who need a good dose of daily inspiration to tackle tough life issues. Tobi is also a new host on NEWDradio's #GPSme segment helping young adults finding life and love in the bity city. For more on relationships, motivation, fresh perspectives on faith, personal improvement and more, read/learn more at www.ijustmetme.com and watch him on YouTube HERE.