Recently, while watching television, I noticed that people seem to be searching for tips and tricks to a lasting marriage. Go into any bookstore and you can find a well-stocked section on marriage, whether it's to prepare you for it, help you while in it, or to tell you how to keep your chin up after it's crashed and burned. As Christians, we use the Bible as our manual to every aspect of life, and one of the things that seems to be a sticking point for people is the mystifying topic of submission.

Submission.

It's a word that seems to make men and women alike squirm uncomfortably. Some seem to think it's an antiquated idea from way back in biblical times. Some take the scriptures on it quite literally, as they feel we were intended to. Some brush it to the side and see it as women being inferior to men. No matter what you feel true submission is, it has been abused and used as a cover-up for years, hence it now has a negative connotation (even in Christendom).

(Just A Little of) What the Bible Has to Say

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husband, love you wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her..."

Ephesians 5:22-25

"Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives..."

1 Peter 3:1

What We Have to Say

There are couples who have come to a mutual understanding of what submission entails based on God's expectations. For Karen, in her 5-year marriage to husband Greg, she said that submission was never a question for her:

"Submission to me is to come in agreement to the Will of God and, in regards to a husband, it's just living as the helpmate to the spouse and to be one and to lift him up as he is called to be the leader of the home. I submit by working alongside him and praying for him. We make decisions together after praying about the matter."

Greg added:

"I don't view [submission] as a woman should listen and do whatever the man tells her to do. I believe that the final decision ends with the man, but he has to listen to the woman as well and make a wise decision."

For Karen, she isn't a doormat with her husband lording his title of 'Head of Household' over her. For her, she has no anxiety concerning a possible abuse of power on his end. In Greg's eyes, his wife is truly his helpmate. As with our government, although final decisions lie with our Commander in Chief, he still has others on whom he relies to make well-informed decisions that are best for the group.

In speaking to a recently engaged Vanessa, she brought up the important point: "Before submitting, women need to ensure that their man is submission-worthy." If a man's aim is to please God with his life, he will do as the Word says and love his wife as "Christ loved the church and gave His life" for it, as the scripture suggests.

Submission is a topic that brings about strong opinions, and it would be easy to speak to dozens of people and delve into the topic much further. A lightening rod for discussion, it's definitely worth giving some thought whether you are single, and a novice in marriage, or already married. Our primary basis being the Word of God, we have to decide what our responsibility - both men and women-is with the matter. I think seeking the advice of those in successful Christ-centered relationships is a pretty good idea, too. If this column does nothing else, let it whet your appetite enough on the matter that you crack open your Bible and come to understand the topic for yourself. What do you think He expects?

Shari Grant is a Registered Nurse in South Florida, where she was raised in a (very!) Jamaican home. Some of the loves of her life are words (both reading and writing them) and missions work. She enjoys spending time with friends and family while living for a good laugh - one that makes her belly ache and her eyes water. Her bottom line goal in life is to make the Lord smile and maybe even serve Him up a chuckle from time to time, too.