College Takes Back the Power from Abusers
May 2, 2012By Alicia Ramsay

From celebrities to average individuals, friends to family members, sexual abuse and domestic violence have scarred the lives of thousands across the world. Many victims are forever silenced while some find the voice within them to speak up.


Take Back the Night, hosted by CUNY Lehman College in the Bronx, New York on Tuesday, April 24 served to support survivors, console them as they heal as well as bring awareness to students.


After introductory remarks by a campus counselor Nicole Madonna Rosario and Lehman's vice president Jose Magdeleno and Dean John Holloway, attendees were reeled into the program with a student theatrical production called "The Witness." It was written by Andre Bell and performed and directed by Lehman students.


"Even if one person leaves helped, that's what's important," said Rosario, who was part of the planning committee for this year's event. "Over time, I want this event to change the culture of our section of the world so [sexual abuse and domestic violence] becomes a conversation and less of a stigma. It's like setting up the game of dominoes, but sometimes you have to set it up for a while so that it flows."


Take Back the Night is an international function that aims to unify women, men and children who are victims of various forms of violence.


The first documented Take Back the Night event was executed in 1975 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania after a woman was stabbed by a stranger while walking home alone. Since then, the movement has sparked interest in family and friends of victims and survivors across the U.S and Europe.


In 2001, Katie Koestner founded the international headquarters and charitable 501(c)3 for Take Back the Night along with others who are passionate about the mission of the foundation.


According to a 2006-2010 national crime victimization survey conducted by the U.S Department of Justice, 54 percent of rapes and sexual assaults were unreported with an average 207,754 victims of 12 years or older annually.


Despite such enormous figures, some victims haven't allowed the statistics to silence them.


Sheena Lashay, a product of date rape and survivor of childhood sexual abuse, reported her incident to the police. She was victimized by her now ex step-father, a community and church leader, beginning at age 7 until age 14. Her church and various family members knew about the abuse and all urged her to keep quiet. Raised as a conservative evangelical yet also a non-denominational fundamentalist Christian in what she describes as a cult-like church, Lashay was told by church leaders that she would be hell-bound if she uttered a word.


"He didn't serve a day in prison," said Lashay, emphasizing that the case file was mysteriously misplaced even after her perpetrator confessed. "He's actually a current church leader and teaches teenagers on sexuality. Interesting."


Interesting indeed and quite disturbing. The result of his charge is not unfamiliar, however, as 97 percent of rapists are not incarcerated.


Sexual abuse is not just a "Catholic problem" - as some have coined it - or an epidemic that plagues the "immoral" non-believers. There are leaders of various faith communities who stand before their assemblies every week and are still not convicted by their wrongdoings.


The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP), a national, self-help organization of victims of sexual abuse by clergy affirms just that. Baptist Outreach Director of the program, Christa Brown, was also victimized by her youth leader at a Southern Baptist church.


Although Lashay currently lives a fulfilling life--as a writer, blogger, YouTuber, and spokesperson for the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) among other endeavors--Lashay confessed that it was not always that way. In her My name is...Sheena Lashay video, which has over 2,000 views, she shares excerpts of her journal depicting her anger, confusion and bout with suicide because of her dark memories.


The other two speakers present at the event knew exactly what it was like to want to turn to suicide when all else seemed to fail. Andrew Willis and Ralph Castro, both spoke of their encounter with death.


" ...last year I swallowed three hundred Tylenol PMs. I was unconscious for five days," said Willis when asked how he deals with people giving him a time limit for getting over his abuse. "When you're trying to kill yourself you're trying to do so for a reason, it's because you have no value left to your life."


Willis, a native of Hong Kong, China is also a child sexual abuse survivor as well as a domestic violence survivor. Now in his mid-40s, Willis has been bombarded occasionally by friends and his parents about his investing so much time and money in stopping sexual abuse and domestic violence. He is currently the CEO of Stop Abuse Campaign, a movement which aims to stop sexual, physical and emotional abuse.


"Now that I've found something that keeps me alive you'd think that you'd support me rather than questioning why I'm doing it, that just seems more productive to me," said Willis, critical of his family's position.


According to the National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, 2.78 million men have been victims of sexual assault and rape in the U.S alone.


For years, society displayed the silhouettes of women as the targets for sexual abuse and domestic violence, yet some people are astonished to discover that males are victimized, as well. Sexual abuse and domestic violence does not have distinct prey. Women, men, children, elderly, hetero/homosexual, Black, White, Hispanic, European--no one is exempt from the attacks.


The stigma that has been promoted for years is the notion that men should never be vulnerable; they should not cry, be weak or fearful in any circumstance.


"If I can make you cry, then I can make you talk," said Alan Fuentes, an advisor at Lehman's Career Services during the Remember the Night meet up on Wednesday, April 25.


Men are supposed to be powerful leaders, independent, strong and self reliable. That's the standard that has been set and adhered to by many. It is also the very standard that has sparked violence and abuse due to the lack of filters available to men.


"Power is taken away from you and you learn that love equals sex and power equals violence," said Ralph Castro, a native of Bronx, New York, holding back tears. "How do I get that power back and what are the consequences that come with regaining that power?"


Due to the abuse at home, Castro went from a college-bound student to a troubled kid who dropped out of school. He joined a gang and, while living on the streets, became addicted to cocaine and then crack cocaine, which led to stealing to support his habit. He pushed away his loved ones and got violent with his girlfriend who wanted to help him. He lived a destructive lifestyle and contemplated suicide.


Arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and some petty larceny charges, he did years of probation and community service. About five years ago, he began the process of healing.


Lehman's Take Back the Night event was Castro's first time speaking publicly about his childhood sexual abuse. It's a secret that he has kept into his mid-40s.


The statute of limitations in New York for child sex abuse is five years after it is reported to police or five years after the victim turns 18. In recent years, however, many have been pushing for an extension in the law.


If the limitation is extended, survivors would be able to report their crimes into their elderly age. In Pennsylvania, the criminal statute of limitations extends until the victim is 50 years old with child sex abuse victims filing suit before they turn 30.


Many protest, however, that the victim's memory becomes unreliable with the passing of time and evidence may become insufficient if not stored appropriately.


Through poetry, which was suggested by Castro's therapist, he was able to relieve himself of the some of the tension, grief and anger brought on by his trauma.


Here is an excerpt from Ralph Castro's poem Darkness consumes the light:


Out of a blissful, deep slumber I am stirred

visions of toys and childish things now blurred

through wispy, sleepy, innocent eyes I see

a grown, naked man standing infront of me

As I wipe hours of cake sleep,

now mingled with warm tears

warm tears once dry, I start to question why?

a childhood erased in a blink of an eye, why?

Just call out, my soul shouts in vain

Open your mouth and tell of this thing

the harder I try... the voice stayed silent within

You want me to do what?!

As if in a trance I moved behind a naked man,

facing his backside

I hear a noise, Lord I hear a noise

...confusion as my mind starts to reel,

Overloaded by all the sensations I feel...


Castro is committed to healing and stopping abuse.


"I'm working on finding my own voice and helping others find their voice," he said. "That's where the healing begins. I try to see the silver lining in things that happen to me and try to turn it around."


All the speakers reflect the notion of influencing other survivors to be bold about using their voices.


"Even if you never knew anything about me," said Lashay. "I'd hope that if you ever have a conversation with me, or read my blog, or I tweeted you, you'd leave that conversation feeling empowered or feeling the comfort of expressing exactly who you are."


As the event concluded, the step team performed then students marched around the campus quad, holding a candlelight vigil. They carried and read aloud words on poster boards created by Lehman's Freshman Year Initiative (FYI) students. Guests were invited to share a poem or a personal story doing the open mic portion, which also featured a short skit. Guests received a t-shirt in honor of the event, along with an alert whistle and ribbons in honor of the day.


Organizations such as Safe Horizon, RAINN and Men Can Stop Rape among others are available to assist victims and survivors of abuse.





Visitor Comments (5)
Courage
Posted By MCAPLAN682@AOL.COM on May 7, 2012
It takes great courage to be able to speak of sexual assault. It requires the hope that you will be heard and believed. Many people do not survive their abuse and others never speak about it and carry this painful secret with them their whole life. I am one of the lucky survivors. I found SNAP and was heard, believed, and given the chance to have a voice for myself and others. I continue to be in awe of the bravery of victims and their families when I speak to them or when we share at our self help meeting each month. We each hope that our voices will help keep kids safer and that another who knows or suspect abuse will come forward and know they are not alone.
I ask Governor Cuomo to change the predator friendly current statute of limitation. I applaud Lehman College and all those involved in Take Back the Night. I stand with them in support.
Mary Caplan
SNAP (survivors network of those abused by priests)
New York City leader
snapnetwork.org
This needs to be talked about more often
Posted By JUDYJONES on May 7, 2012

I was the oldest of 11 kids who was raised in a very devout catholic family in southeastern Ohio back in the 1950’s and 1960’s. We went to church every Sunday, holy days, and confession every other Saturday. Then our priest started preaching, “the family that prays together, stays together”. So every night we all had to kneel down together and say the rosary. Most of us were baptized, had first communion, and I was married by this priest.

My family did everything this priest demanded.

In the late 1980’s, I learned that my brother and several of my relatives had been sexually abused by this priest, Fr Robert A Brown. I was in complete shock, and I could not stop thinking about it, “why would anyone do such an awful thing to my little brother or to any child for that matter?”

In 2002, when the big scandal erupted, I craved reading anything that I could find to learn more, in the news, etc. I had thought that Fr Brown was the only awful priest who would do such terrible things to kids. This was around that time that I found SNAP.

In 2006, a very brave victim had somehow forced the Steubenville diocese church officials to make public that, Fr Robert A Brown along with Paul Ditto, ( our school janitor), had sexually abused him in the 1976-1978 period. Finally the secret was out. I am so grateful to this brave victim for letting this terrible secret out. But I feel so sad for this victim, he is a second generation of kids who were sexually abused by this priest.

I have since learned that Fr Brown sexually abused boys in the early 1940’s, 1950’, 1960’s and in the 1970’s..This priest lived until the 1990’s and he destroyed many lives during that time.

The sexual abuse that is so prominent within the church system destroys the victims lives, and it also deeply affects their loved ones and family members. I am one of those family members.

Judy Jones, SNAP Midwest Associate Director, "Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests"
MY Clarity ODETTA02
Posted By BLESSMAK on May 5, 2012
Thanks for your response ODETTA02.

I just wanna make my statement clear: I know prostitutes do consent AND that is not rape nor abuse. You are right to say that sexual abuse places the victims in a state of fear or trauma. BUT, much as this causes fear, I don't think the intention of the abusers is to cause fear simply like that. Because if the intention was just to control and cause fear, it is possible to traumatize somebody without sexually abusing them.

I believe THE WHOLE reason the rape is to satisfy their SELFISH sexual craving. NOW, if the intention is just to "do it," MY SUGGESTION to them is: WHY can't they do it with prostitutes and get the sexual satisfaction they want without traumatizing the little ones!!!

Clear? :-)
TBTN
Posted By ODETTA02 on May 4, 2012
Incidents like these just makes me boil with anger! I don't understand why someone would want to harm a vulnerable family member or stranger both sexually and physically. Just sickening smh.

Blessmak, I don't think the two can be compared. There is a reason pedophiles don't go after prostitutes, it's not rape or abuse if they consent. The whole point of them attacking someone against their will is to have control and place fear in them, regardless of if the victim is a 7 year old girl or a 25 year old man. It's not a matter of picking one over the other that would be less filthy towards society. What these perves need to do is learn to keep their hands to themselves and their genitals in their pants. And I'm not bashing only male perpetrators, cause there are women victimizing others as well.

As for those who like to carry out domestic abuse. Shame on you. You are pathetic, weak and a disgrace to all other men/women who do the right thing. Your spouse, sons, daughters, even strangers are not your punching bag!

R.I.P to all those who have gone too soon. And, to the survivors continue to be strong as you heal and encourage others to speak up!
GOD IS WATCHING!!!
Posted By BLESSMAK on May 3, 2012
Painful revelations. Truth is, there are many prostitutes out there who willfully consent to sex of the "no strings attached" type, why not going after them?

I'm not the type that promotes prostitution, I know it is sin. But what am saying is; if I may be allowed to compare the two, sexual abuse and prostitution [though both are evil] surely prostitution can be better coz of that willful element in indulging in it.

SEXUAL ABUSE is NaStY!!! FiLthY!!!

Let us hold hands praying for the protection of our children, our brothers, our sisters!!!

Blecngz.
PS. WELL WRITTEN MATERIAL. GOOD JOB ALICIA!
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