August 4, 2010 • By Tiffani Knowles

Little girls are moved by their father's words and deeds. Their absence can be vacuous. Their presence, most times, amazingly salubrious. For gospel singer Michelle Bonilla, her experience carries with it a bit of both worlds.

 

 

At the height of her relationship with her dad, he taught Bonilla the great stories of faith starring David, Daniel and Abraham, he put her on to the likes of Christian music giants Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant, and he encouraged her to lead worship in both her native tongue, Spanish, and English at her church in Brooklyn, New York.

 

 

But, at their lowest point, she was shattered by his seeming abandonment of their Christian faith and bout with drugs and alcohol. Her whole life went awry as her patriarch fell from grace. In quiet rebellion, Bonilla chose to abuse the one thing she could control - her body.

 

 

"Anything was better than what was going on at home, so I fell into pressure," said Bonilla. "When [my friends] suggested we starve ourselves, I thought it was good idea. Hey, I wanna be loved, I wanna be cool, I wanna be accepted…and my dad doesn't care. So, what's the point?"

 

 

At age 17, she found herself in a hospital ICU battling a year-long disorder of anorexia nervosa. It was then that she looked to the words of her new father for strength.

 

 

"I called on the Lord and I said, 'God, I've been doing so much damage to myself' and the Lord just brought this awakening to my spirit and I was like, 'God I'm so sorry. Can you heal me? Can you take me out of this place? This is not what I'm meant to do. I'm not meant to die young,'" said Bonilla. "And sure enough, his presence just completely overtook me in the hospital room and I just knew that I was going to be all right. A couple days later I was out of the hospital room.

 

 

Bonilla says never regrets sharing her story with the 12 to 13-year-old girls she meets while on the road. They starve themselves for a number of reasons, she says, that don't always stem from trauma. But while the motivation may vary, the solution is always the same.

 

 

"It's reading what God says about me and believing that to be true," said Bonilla. "We are beautifully and wonderfully made."

 

 

It's a message she chooses to bring forth with amazing clarity on her sophomore musical project, In Spite of Me. Released in April, Michelle's new album speaks about her real life struggles and how overcoming them was never easy. But, the one thing that was constant was Christ.

 

 

Boasting songs like "You," "Our Generation," and the title cut, "In Spite of Me," the album comprises 16 track--13 full songs and three diary excerpts--with strong infusions of R&B, pop and Latin melodies featuring gospel reggae recording artist Chevelle Franklin, and gospel hip-hop artists Lecrae, Flame, and R-Swift.

 

 

"My music is a blend of who I am culturally-urban, Latin, rock and soul," said Bonilla, who is half Dominican and half Puerto Rican.

 

 

The project is actually helmed by her long-time producer and now husband, Lee Jerkins - cousin of DarkChild's Rodney Jerkins. His production company, unlike that of his cousin, strictly produces Christian and gospel music. Artists like Out of Eden and Cross Movement have benefited from his musical offerings.

 

 

With all the tour dates, rehearsals and concerts in their agenda, some would say that Bonilla and Jerkins may fall prey to the woes plaguing music industry match-ups. In fact, within the past several months, hip-hop artists Ambassador and Da TRUTH - both out of the Cross Movement camp - were officially named in cases of infidelity.

 

 

So, the two do not take their union lightly.

 

 

"We have made a promise to each other that if this is tearing us apart, we'll stop," said Bonilla. "We say as artists and as husband and wife, we gotta take time out. So, we'll take a break."

 

 

And the realization that marriage is tough work is not a strange concept because she watched her mom stand by her father's side even when he was strung out.

 

 

 

"Many times my sisters and I told my mother to leave and still in the midst of that she did not leave him," said Bonilla. "She kept praying…that's why she's such an amazing example for me she taught me that when life gets hard, you go harder in prayer."

 

 

Today, Michelle stands firm, knowing that the father that helped shape her is now sober, but still has some ways to go in reclaiming the faith that once bonded them together.

 

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