Waiting for Ever After
May 27, 2010By Christina Valladares

Little girls idolize Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. Who doesn't want to be a beautiful princess who lives happily ever after with the man of her dreams? But naturally, these little girls will grow, date and kiss frog after frog - none of whom are her prince charming. Should she still believe the tale?


What happens when she moves from sweet sixteen to college graduate, then onto bridesmaid at her best friend's wedding. What happens when the years go by and her skin isn't as elastic, her abs go flabby, and she finds herself vehemently racing against time. Will her prince ever scale the tower to her rescue?

The Young Hot Co-Ed

Theory has it that women aged 18-22 are at their dating peaks. For the young, hot co-ed, the ball is almost always in her court. She calls the shots. She is in the best shape of her life and couldn't care less about settling down. Her weekends are a slew of non-stop college parties where she meets multiple men who want to date her. She feels confident, knowing if she turns one down, another one will be knocking at her door. Conversely, her male counterpart spends his day salivating over her, hoping, wishing he impresses her enough to get her to say yes to a date, which - for some - can be the first step to a much needed mark on the score card. In any event, at this stage he has less power than the woman.


"A girl my age is doing one of two things - looking for love or having fun by dating a bunch of guys," said 19-year-old Miami-Dade College student and dancer Arlene Florit. "Guys are never going to run out in this world. So, if it doesn't work out, then get yourself together and keep going."


The Worldly Bachelor

Give it about five years, though, and, boy, do the tables turn. By their late twenties, more power than you can imagine is transferred onto the male. He gets an education, a good-paying job - and with some dating experience under his belt - he's all the rage with the ladies. Meanwhile, his female counterpart can have achieved that and more, but it doesn't necessarily put her in a better place dating-wise. She actually begins to have less of a pool to choose from as her male peers can and do opt to date younger girls. He's the cosmopolitan bachelor who can captivate not only the female in his own age bracket, but the young, hot co-ed and the eager, older woman, too. The truth is any woman's high standards become more flexible as she sees the pickings getting slimmer with time. Yet, a man at this stage is content to remain single as he explores the plethora of options.


Pedo Sanchez, a 27 year old waiter living in Gainesville, Florida, believes he is years away from settling down.


"If a relationship doesn't work out, I still have time to try again and enjoy my time as a bachelor," said Sanchez.


Still, many woman would like to take Sanchez's stance. But, frankly, the true catalyst for their dating anxiety is their biological make-up.


In a recent article by The Daily Monitor, Patrick Mwase, a psychologist at Makerere University in Uganda, maintained that because females develop faster than males biologically, it gives them an edge to mature faster because biological maturity goes hand in hand with emotional development.


So, while men may be playing the field, women possess an innate desire to start their family.


"As regards biological changes, a girl is declared a woman at a very tender age compared to a boy. They are told that they have grown up and are capable of being mothers," said Mwase.


As she continues to age, the power she once possessed in the dating pool is no more. Her biological clock begins to tick and it's all she can hear. Men may keep playing the field well into their 40s, if they choose to. There is no rush because he can have children anytime with Miss Young, Hot Co-Ed. It is the women who have passed the 25 mark who begin to feel the pressure of obtaining the God-blessed combo of marriage and motherhood before their deadline.


Health advisor Tatiana Enriquez, 30, suggests, "You have until 35 for a good pregnancy. After 35, you are taking chances. If you want to have kids, you have to put a timeline into that equation."


However, marriage and family counselor, Barbara De La Cruz, says it isn't strange nowadays for women to delay starting a family and that many are finding fulfillment this way. In the past three decades, the role of women has dramatically changed with the use of birth control, her right to vote, own property, and enter male-dominated careers.


"Women are not having that nesting desire until later in life, around their mid 30s. Some women are starting their families in their 40s, biologically or through means of adoption," said De La Cruz.


So, is the biological clock still a reason to panic?


While the biological clock was a threat a decade or so ago, an article in The Baltimore Sun, said that the 2008 birth rate report, based on preliminary data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Health Statistics, found that the birth rate for women in the U.S. aged 40-44 increased 4 percent from the previous year to 9.9 births per 1,000 women.


"More and more women today have shifted their priorities in life. It has become more common to see women who are first completing their studies, focusing on their profession, traveling and just enjoying their lives," said De La Cruz.


Aspiring singer Marleen Hernandez, 26, can attest to just that.


"I believe firmly that society has changed for us. We no longer are expected to be in the kitchen and breeding babies since the age of 18," said Hernandez. "Women of previous eras usually latched onto the first man that was forced upon them. But, now, we do it for love, as silly as that sounds. I think that we pick who makes us happy and someone who actually truly fulfills us."



Men Still Want Women


Still, believe it or not, not all men want to be the eternal bachelor chasing their younger counterparts. Businessman Michael Knowles, 29, values the independence that a woman his age would bring to a relationship.

 "I'm looking for someone on my level, a relationship in which we can motivate each other and accomplish common goals for the future," said Knowles. "I feel like I have a better chance of finding that kind of woman if she's closer to my age."


Date Anxiety-Free


Dating and relationship expert April Braswell warns that an energy of desperation is never attractive to the opposite sex. 


"Your attitude is key," said Braswell.


Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker and author, Patti Stagner, gives women very similar advice in her book, Become Your Own Matchmaker.


"As you learn to revel in the opportunity to be by yourself rather than languish in miserable isolation, you'll be free of that ugly and burdensome feeling known as desperation. And once you've attained internal happiness, you'll be ready for a mature, solid relationship. A happy woman makes a much better companion, and your stock on the dating market will soar," said Stagner.


While post-adolescence is a time in life when little girls stop believing in fairy tales, it doesn't keep them from losing faith in love. Only this time, they know that not every tale begins with "once upon a time" or ends with "happily ever after."  Rather than wait for a prince to climb the proverbial tower to rescue them, these women have decided they're going to save themselves.


It seems the women of the day haven't lost hope for their happily ever after, but they're not twiddling their thumbs in anxiety either.


Visitor Comments (5)
I Love this
Posted By 24103721407056 on June 25, 2010
I love this, it just reminded me of myself. My Highschool years I was completely in control of guys to the point where I was okay knowing that they would even fight eachother for me lol, then by the age of 21 I was prepared mentally to settle down only that by this time the guys around my age was not, they still wanted to play. And if I wasn't careful it would of allowed me to become desperate and then compromise and settle for anything, because it's in us "women" to love and want to be loved. And seeing your friends getting married,having children, and then telling you that time is going doesn't help either. But thank God-knowing what I wanted in life distracted me from my own emotions, and my focus became more on God and through that I was blessed with my Husband.
Good article
Posted By MARILISE on May 28, 2010
Great perspective on how tables turn throughout life; great read.
Point of views
Posted By PETER on May 28, 2010
The artical is very enlighting and shows exspressed point of views in todays poeple in there mid twenties
Great Job
Posted By ERICM247 on May 27, 2010
Excellent article. I didn't know you like to write. As for the subject at hand, you've got me pegged down pretty good. I refuse to date anyone less than 10 years younger than me. In my experience, I've found that younger girls bring far less emotional baggage into a relationship.
I haven't lost hope either
Posted By JESSICA on May 27, 2010
I really enjoyed this article. I think it's positive and it gives insight for women that might be feeling the pressure. I'm 29, have a bf of 3 years, and I do not have children, and do not plan on having any for a while. I don't want to be pressured by society's regular rules. I'm making my own and am very happy about it.
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