From Hickies to Shiners: The Story of a Battered Young Woman
December 23, 2009 • By Chrisnatha Derosier
Black eye. Bruised arm. Constant fear of the next strike.Post-Chris Brown and Rihanna, young women all across America have surfaced as victims of domestic abuse.
It seemed that the emergence of a pop star in a similar relationship predicament 10 months ago served as impetus for many a battered woman.
Take Guerda Geffrand, a 20-year-old college student of Sunrise, FL who suffered emotional and physical abuse from her boyfriend of 5 years.
Take Guerda Geffrand, a 20-year-old college student of Sunrise, FL who suffered emotional and physical abuse from her boyfriend of 5 years.
They met in high school and she thought he was the man of her dreams. Like any other couple, they had their ups and downs, break-up and make-ups; but she never expected what was to come.
She can fairly say that, for the better part of their relationship, he was never physically abusive to her. His abuse manifested in verbal slurs and emotional attacks. She knew his vulgar words toward her were undeserved, but she swallowed them because she loved him.
Not long after, she suspected that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She kept quiet about it until she knew for sure. After confronting him with this information, things quickly became physical.
Today, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year, according to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.
While every domestic violence case is unique, there are some signs that should be taken very seriously at the beginning of any relationship.
"We must be very careful in paying attention to any controlling behavior. It can be as simple as the other party calling frequently to know what we are doing, sending constant text messages aski
ng where we are, or even suggesting that we wear what they like and getting upset when we wear something else," said Erica Herman, Director of Social Change for Women in Distress of Broward County.
In Guerda's case, her boyfriend made it his priority to be in command of her life. Very early on, he dictated where she could go, who she was allowed to hang around and when she needed to be available to spend time with him.
In January 2009, Guerda found out about him cheating again. This time she wouldn't let it go. She remained persistent in knowing who the other girl was, when it happened and for how long.
"As a result, the fighting escalated and I ended the relationship. Only to make-up and try again. This would begin a series of break-ups to make-ups," said Guerda.
This June, a pregnant Guerda suffered a miscarriage at the hands of her abus
er.
"Choking me near unconsciousness and constant fighting in the car was too much for me to bear. I decided to leave for good this time," said Guerda.
Four months later, Guerda's ex-boyfriend staked out her home. He waited until she got into her car. He then pulled her out and beat her severely.
Guerda since has filed for a restraining order, but lives in fear that at any given moment her abuser will strike again.
According to the Oregon Law Center, Guerda is not alone. The center reports that one in five teens in a serious relationship reports having been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner.
What's more, fourteen percent of teens report their boyfriend or girlfriend threatened to harm them or themselves to avoid a breakup.
But, it was the R&B sweethearts Chris Brown and Rihanna who showed the world how serious this issue is for young Americans. After leaving a pre-Grammy party on February 7, 2009, R & B Singers Chris Brown and Rihanna became involved in a physical altercation that resulted in a battered Rihanna and Chris Brown's arrest.
Brown posted bail for $50,000 and he was later sentenced to 5 years parole and 180 days of community service.
Still, just like other abused women, Rihanna returned to her attacker.
While every domestic violence case is unique, there are some signs that should be taken very seriously at the beginning of any relationship.
"We must be very careful in paying attention to any controlling behavior. It can be as simple as the other party calling frequently to know what we are doing, sending constant text messages aski
ng where we are, or even suggesting that we wear what they like and getting upset when we wear something else," said Erica Herman, Director of Social Change for Women in Distress of Broward County.In Guerda's case, her boyfriend made it his priority to be in command of her life. Very early on, he dictated where she could go, who she was allowed to hang around and when she needed to be available to spend time with him.
In January 2009, Guerda found out about him cheating again. This time she wouldn't let it go. She remained persistent in knowing who the other girl was, when it happened and for how long.
"As a result, the fighting escalated and I ended the relationship. Only to make-up and try again. This would begin a series of break-ups to make-ups," said Guerda.
This June, a pregnant Guerda suffered a miscarriage at the hands of her abus
er. "Choking me near unconsciousness and constant fighting in the car was too much for me to bear. I decided to leave for good this time," said Guerda.
Four months later, Guerda's ex-boyfriend staked out her home. He waited until she got into her car. He then pulled her out and beat her severely.
Guerda since has filed for a restraining order, but lives in fear that at any given moment her abuser will strike again.
According to the Oregon Law Center, Guerda is not alone. The center reports that one in five teens in a serious relationship reports having been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner.
What's more, fourteen percent of teens report their boyfriend or girlfriend threatened to harm them or themselves to avoid a breakup.
But, it was the R&B sweethearts Chris Brown and Rihanna who showed the world how serious this issue is for young Americans. After leaving a pre-Grammy party on February 7, 2009, R & B Singers Chris Brown and Rihanna became involved in a physical altercation that resulted in a battered Rihanna and Chris Brown's arrest.
Brown posted bail for $50,000 and he was later sentenced to 5 years parole and 180 days of community service.
Still, just like other abused women, Rihanna returned to her attacker.
During a 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer, the pop star admits to going back to her abuser, before leaving him for good.
"It's pretty easy to go back. You start lying to yourself. The physical wounds go away. You want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don't want to ever have again," said Rihanna. "I stayed. I even went back after he beat me, which was wrong. But again ... I'm a human being and people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal. And all these expectations...I'm not perfect."
"It's pretty easy to go back. You start lying to yourself. The physical wounds go away. You want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don't want to ever have again," said Rihanna. "I stayed. I even went back after he beat me, which was wrong. But again ... I'm a human being and people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal. And all these expectations...I'm not perfect."
Robin Givens, who was interviewed on Larry King Live when the Rihanna case first broke, was a rising 1980s sitcom star with the hit television show Head of the Class when she rose further in fame due to the brief, highly abusive marriage to former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson.
In her autobiography Grace Will Lead Me Home, Givens reveals how Tyson beat her, punched her, choked her and raped her all throughout their marriage.
Given remembers well the negative press she received following her split from Tyson, particularly within the Black community. One article in particular described her as "the most hated woman in America."
Despite society's penchant to believe the man's story, Guerda - just like Rihanna and Givens - found the inner strength to break up with her ex-boyfriend and is moving on with her life.
"The biggest struggle for me is the anger. I am still upset at what he did to me and every day is a challenge. I am working on myself day by day," said Guerda.
"The biggest struggle for me is the anger. I am still upset at what he did to me and every day is a challenge. I am working on myself day by day," said Guerda.
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